Once Upon A Time

I sat in my car that gray stricken day and watched drops of water speckle the windshield then collect into tiny puddles. They slid down the glass, like shooting stars, gathering their friends along the way. My mind unable to shake our earlier conversation. “I want a divorce; I don’t love you the way I should anymore”. Silence than shock. Or was it?  While you feigned disbelief the excitement played in your eyes. All the freedom that would come with the end. But you wouldn’t let me off that easy. I mean how could I do this to YOU, right? You fed on my emotions, my guilt, and let the entire fault lie on me. Every church service, every meal, every hand pressed outfit starched and laid out. That’s what I was there for and suddenly, I wasn’t. You knew what would make me hurt and you knew how to lay the guilt on thick so it smothered me. The way you would when you couldn’t keep your hands off me. Those hands. The ones you had tainted with other women. The same ones you used to wipe my tears away. The same ones that held our newborn children and the same ones that held my hands. Once upon a time.



A Prayer

I come to petition you in this, what seems our darkest hours for some years now.  Though I know others struggle equally or more than even I and that greater troubles are still on our horizon. I feel thin and shallow like not enough breath to fill ones lungs, and I wait. A longing ache deep in the recesses of my heart. I wait for the hollow in my soul to be filled with you. All I can do is plea. Please help me. I am tossed by the ocean waves, but I put down my roots. Hear me Lord, listen to my cry and act gently upon it. I know this life was meant for trial and tribulation and that it was not promised to us that our lives would be effortless, only that you would see us through until whatever end. I humble myself when I ask that you ease the burdens on our family. Not just in my home but in the home of my mother, my children and all our descendants. That you break any curse that hinders us and bind any evil that surrounds us. I search in darkness for your light and the life that you give but I fear I am suffocating slowly. Do not let my words fall on deaf ears. Hear me and bring rest to this weary soul.



Sunlight streams in signaling the beginning of a new day.

Every day is the same

You are everything to me and I bound myself to you

I made the links myself, locked the locks, and threw away the key

I wanted freedom, but chose chains

Naively bound by doing what is “right”

My heart screams, “This was not supposed to be your life”

It wails and the chains tighten and pinch choking the little that’s left of me.

I found the key and while I want desperately to release these bonds

I can’t do it.

Guilt consumes me for even thinking it

So many other lives tightly intertwined with my own

The broken links would rip them apart, all for my own selfish happiness.

Everyday is the same

Sunlight streams in signaling the beginning of a new day.


photography © 2013 CMB Clary

Excerpt – Antony

The rain poured relentlessly as Antony rushed through the cabin door passed the messenger. His heart pounded in anticipation and teemed with joy over the news.  Completely absorbed by thoughts of holding his first child and kissing his wife, he hadn’t realized he’d forgotten to wear a coat. The sound of thunder rolled out of the sky and the wind blew furiously around him, but nothing could dampen the happiness of seeing his wife and child. He quickly trudged down the muddied path, his large boots  making deep impressions the entire way. Antony finally reached the cabin, and opened the door in one fluid motion with a euphoric smile splashed across his face. The cabin was oddly quiet.

“They must be resting” he thought as he reached the door to Liera’s room and turned the knob. He entered quietly turning back to face the door as he closed it softly behind him.

“Antony?” Miriam gasped, her voice barely audible

“Are they sleeping?” He whispered still smiling and not looking at Miriam or the midwife. He turned toward Liera’s bed, the joy still emanating from his eyes, but as he turned to look at her, his eyes could not accept what was before him. Sprawled across blood stained linens lay Liera. Her once bright eyes now a cold dim stare, rosy lips tinged a faint blue, and her left arm hung ever so delicately and pale over the side of  the bed. Antony shook his head in disbelief as his stomach twisted inside him making every breath feel impossible.

“This can not be,” he raised a hand to his mouth.

Rushing to kneel by her side he took her hand in his own. Tears flowed relentlessly as he rubbed the back of her hand against his face trying to feel her warmth again and sobs filled the room as reality brimmed over. There was no warmth left. Everything that was her had fallen away, and all that remained was an abandoned form shadowing her likeness and completely void of life.

“Why?” the words came out in a sharp drawn breath, tears streamed down his cheeks. His entire body shook and wept in despair. “WHY_____?” he bellowed this time his voice vicious and raw with an anger, and regret that made the mid wife and Miriam burst into a bewailing of sobs.

He tried to wipe the tears that now flowed freely from his eyes, as he gathered himself to stand.

“My child?” he sniffed,” Where is my child, Miriam? His eyes searched the room and returned to meet Miriam’s hollow gaze. She couldn’t respond as she burst into uncontrollable wails.

“Please Miriam,” he walked toward her with a glimpse of hope in his eyes, “Please, he said again, as if asking nicely would allow her to return everything taken from him, “I would very much like to hold our child, he continued.

“But my lord…” she replied between sobs “The child… 

“Yes, my child. Where is he, Miriam,” his eyes searching hers?

“The child my lord… was born without breath,” she dissolved into tears once again.

Pain rippled over him washing him of all hope. The room narrowed as he reached for the door and made his way through the cabin in complete torment staggering out into the pouring rain. Despair crushed him from above with the weight of his loss  and he fell to his knees clutching his hair with both hands and dispelling his anguish completely “No_____. no” he collapsed, tears and rain mixing together in a coupling of agony and sorrow.



© 2020 CMBClary

Longing to feel joy again

Does sorrow ever take a rest?

Control emotions with behest.

Breathe the air, with weightless chest.

To feel again even in brief

No more tears of pain and grief.

No tangled rage and disbelief. 

Or shattered remnants, just relief

I long to one day smile again.

Does every heart deserve to mend?

Bind up wounds and sorrowed rend.

Undo wrongs and make amends.

To go back now, impossible

No virtuous deeds, no words extol.

No more forgiveness for this soul.

Or simple words meant to console.

So I will sit in unsought sorrow

And pray that joy will come tomorrow.


Carry On

© 2020 CMBClary

Memories brim at every corner of my mind.

A heavy stone in my chest,

A lump in my throat, but,

I carry on.

What else is there?

Just tasks.

All the things no one else will do,

They wait for me.

And while my heart is a still ache,

I carry on.

That’s what’s expected of me.

Just another day

All the hours clambering.

To what end?

And while we all expire, it remains a mystery, but

We carry on.

– Clary

Merry Christmas!

As Christmas Eve falls upon us again and we each repeat our holiday traditions. (Some of us in a not so jolly disposition) Take a moment to stop, take a breath, and take it all in. Remember those you love, those who couldn’t make it for a visit, and those no longer with us. These are the days that will become memories. Those little babes in diapers will grow up and have babes of their own. One day you will no longer be able to pick up those tiny bodies and dangling limbs and whisk them off to bed. One day you will sing them a final lullaby, until they tell you they no longer need your sweet serenades to fall asleep. One day those tiny hands and sticky fingers will no longer fit inside yours. So, in those moments of frustration that come with the holidays take a moment to see how blessed you are. Tell your parents how much they are loved. Kiss your babies sweet little faces and enjoy their bright eyes of wonder this holiday season. Time changes ALL things. Savor it! Above all else thank God for all He does and gives!

A very Merry Christmas and Blessed New Year Friends!!!


Pet -A Funny Rhyme or Two

I want to keep you as a pet
To come to me at my behest
To dream of me all the day long
To be here at my beckon call

I want to keep you as a pet
To laugh at my comedic fret
To clean my house and smile at me
To be whatever I ask you to be

I want to keep you as a pet
To work and pay off all my debt
To massage me twice a day
And not expect me to repay

So what if they’re absurdities, ridiculous as they may seem
O’ come on boys, a girl can dream.


Cold Winter Day

©2017 C. Clary

When winter dew kisses the earth,

My fatigued soul will long for mirth.

Frigid reminder of what could have been.

A constant pain from deep within.

My body aching, searching for yours.

To touch would be the cause of wars.

To kiss those silken lips so sweet.

To love you with unbridled heat.

But all will end in travesty,

For we both know my history.

There is a heavy price to pay,

For a love that bloomed one cold winter day.

– Clary

The End

It’s over now.

I ripped you from my life.

You were woven in so tightly for so long.

I didn’t think I could hold it together without you there.

I didn’t think I’d survive it.

I miss you at times.

We were best friends.

I thought by some miracle we still would be,

But I don’t know you anymore.

What has passed is always faded by what is present.

I left you.

I knew you would move on,

I knew you’d be okay without me.

Sometimes I question if I did the right thing,

But I was miserable.

I went over all the reasons,

All the, “what if’s”.

It just wasn’t enough.

It never would have been enough.

You weren’t enough.

And I guess that’s wrong of me to say.

After fifteen years without saying it.

It’s crowded here in my head.

My mind and heart battle each other.

I find myself alone without direction.

Yet somehow,

Life finally makes sense.

– Clary


©2019 CMBClary

The vibration of the washer through the wall makes the bed ripple beneath me. My thoughts scatter like shredded paper and I struggle to pick them up and make something coherent of them. All the want of being alone, when I finally am, the desire to produce eludes me. A slight ringing in my ear reminds me these moments are few and far between, like the buzzing of a timer. But I’ve lost interest, in this paper, in writing, in speaking, or creating anything of worth. So I sit here in my silence waiting, pleading, hoping, inspiration will find its way to me again.


The Spaces In-between


so full at times,

Even all the spaces in-between.

A fullness that inundates every crevice.

This too will pass.

Soft skin to folds of leathery lines,

Strong steady hands to trembling decline.

Golden locks to un-kept silver strands.

And time,

While filled with too much, still insatiable.

Do not grow weary of your busy day,

Soon those spaces will empty.

And Time,

Our companion and our adversary,

Will pause for you.

Soon, that which it gifted will be taken back,

And this world will continue without you.

– Clary

Thought of the Day

I mostly think that everyone falls on hard times. Even then, being worried that I’ve run out of Dom Perignon would be far less stressful than finding out I’ve just run out of toilet paper and only have a $1.15 to my name. Yes that seems like an extreme, but for many that is reality. I remember being told “There is always someone worse off than you”, So when life seemed to be especially kicking my ass, which was often, I use to tell myself that. Since then I have come to the realization that my situation may not be as bad as others, but it is MINE, and that is enough. All of this to say, life is short and everyone is fighting their own battles…

don’t be an asshole.

Poetic Curse

©2010 B. Clary

I often think in poetry.

It is a curse my own disease.

To look upon a tree in awe,

Its gnarled roots in winters thaw.

The rolling hills, flowers in sync,

Petals so soft like lips of pink.

A splash of blue upon the sky,

As feathered clouds lazily float by.

The birds they sing in happy tune,

From dawn until the light of moon.

To look upon two lovers kiss,

To know what warmth comes with its bliss.

Sadly a darker half we hide

Poetic curses have two sides

The same tree withers in its loss,

No sign of life, not even moss.

The rolling hills, shallow grave sites,

Reminders of life’s restless plight.

Now only gray blankets the air,

The howling wind clings on despair,

All chirping now has come to cease,

The darkness brings its eerie peace.

Those lovers, yes we see them now,

Adulterous, they break their vows.

I often think in poetry.

My gift, my curse, un-spurned disease.



Photograph©2015 B. Clary

All of your things are gone now.

My mind rummages through fading memories,

trying to find one bright enough to cling to.

The wisdom you’d freely given in my youth

reduced to worn etchings on my bitter heart,

relics of a time I had squandered it.

Dreams of you are few and far between

And when life gets hard, which it always does,

I long to speak to you.


My Screen Door

The concrete was hot on my feet that late summer evening. My toes curled in response to the slight discomfort. A symphony of crickets and locusts permeated the warm evening air like an orchestra welcoming the night. I stood there listening to their song, nostalgia washing over me again. Memories of messy brunette hair, bare feet, climbing trees, and hunting rollie pollies, dusted themselves off and re-visited me. Standing there I realized the air was different now, my once wild imagination had slowed and I missed the bursts of ideas that often sparked a succession of poorly engineered parachutes and forts. The simple moments of my childhood, now an intangible artifact only I could see. A hint of sadness wiggled its way to my heart as I headed for the screen door to flee from it. The end of my back heel just made it passed the threshold as I heard the door click behind me. I can’t be certain, but I can almost swear that out of the corner of my eye I could see that messy haired child, with eyes full of wonder standing there, looking in, just outside my screen door.


A Life

The stars pricked holes in the darkness and I wished I could live under them. Warm air wrapped me up and I was home. I stood there a moment thinking of him and what he would have been like. His soft fuzzy hair on my fingertips, a sweet little face and gummy grin, those tiny hands holding tightly to mine. But those are memories that never were. Birthdays that never came to pass and a pain that cuts so deep there is no way it could ever heal. So when someone asks me why I feel so strongly about always choosing life, my response is always… because I’ve already experienced death.

– Clary

Stupidity Abounds

Once again stupidity abounds.
I was watching the news just sitting around.

They give us amendments and say we can speak.
But don’t read a Bible or someone may freak!

It’s also forbidden that you pray aloud.
There’s someone offended out there in the crowd.

Ah yes! And most definitely never say Jesus.
For a small percent says “that name doesn’t please us.”

No morals,
No boundaries,
If it feels good do it!
Ten Commandments can’t stop you.
There’s nothing else to it.

We wonder why people must kill and destroy.
Just think of God’s laws we no longer employ.

Murder a child?
Oh! Simply appalling.
But if it’s unborn,
No, ooooing or aaawwing.

Not to mention the schools.
Where kids run a muck.
I know what you’re thinking…
We’re plain out of luck!

As I said before, “Stupidity Abounds”
It’s not God’s fault,
No one wants Him around.

So let’s all just face it.
We’ve created this hell.
Will we choose to seek God,
And bow down?
Or rebel?

– Clary


Have Courage

     At times life is too big. I try to be kind and teach my children to be kind to everyone, in a world that will not be kind to them. (Matthew 5:44) At the same time I teach them to stand up for our Christian morals and values. I have to teach them to value life in a world where it’s okay for mothers to murder their children, as long as those children are still in the womb.  Where staying home to raise a family is frowned upon. I have to teach them what gender they are, in a world where there’s somehow confusion over whether being born a male or female is innate, or a decision to be made later in life.  I have to teach them how to respectfully disagree in a world where not agreeing with certain beliefs, for “inclusions” sake, can get you kicked out of schools and fired from jobs. Where scientifically correct is no longer accepted as truth.  Where fact is irrelevant, truth is offensive, and traditional family values are no longer considered sacred. Where Saturday morning cartoons are now fraught with pushing agendas and over sexualization. Still, I take heart in the only Word I can cling to as the pressure for political correctness builds. In the backwards land of “I’m offended,” where free speech is  no longer a right for those who disagree with Hollywood, LGBTQ, pro choice movements, or feminism. I turn to God as he warned us of what’s to come and I continue to fight the good fight. Not with hate in my heart, but with honesty, love, and kindness at the root. (2 Timothy 3:1-5) Still I must teach my children that we will be condemned by mankind for our beliefs, and we were not promised an easy life as Christians. We were only promised that when all else fell, God would hold us up. On this I lean as a wife, a mother, a sister, and daughter of our Lord and Savior. All of this to say, be encouraged my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Continue reading “Have Courage”


That day still seared in your mind. Those moments set on repeat.  It was only one time. A nudge transformed into a push.  A push into a shove. A heavy hand on your cheek. And a lingering metallic taste. Eventually a monster laid in your bed. A monster you invited, you let in, you relied on, you love.

It won’t happen again though. Right?

– Clary

Food for Thought

Pondered the brevity of life today. Soon realized the powers that be, God in my case, only granted us a small taste of this world because even the short time we’re given is taken for granted. Imagine how ungrateful and wasteful we would be if we lived thousands of years. Imagine the unending procrastination and carelessness if He hadn’t lit the inevitable “fire” of death under our asses…

– B. Clary


2018 B. Clary

I don’t speak to you in riddles

You just don’t understand.

You don’t heed my silent warnings

Just continue as you planned.

If you weren’t such a moron I might still have hope for you

After all these years together you still don’t have a clue

So continue as you do now, without a second thought

Never wonder if I’m happy feeling lonely, or distraught

I’m so sorry that the answers weren’t glaring in your face

And that you’re too fucking stupid to find the love you have misplaced

We sit and eat in silence

You avoid my rabid glare

You’re so damn oblivious

I found her underwear.

Asked if you were hungry in an apathetic state

Brought you back your favorite wine, the whores panties on your plate!



©2018 B.Clary


It flows like water,

Slowly causing strife

An unstoppable power,

Corroding Earth and life

Untrodden path is taken,

one prays that it is right.

That one has not mistaken,

longing wants for plight. 

Uncertain steps in darkness,

as light it fades away.

The pendulum sways swiftly now

with every passing day

Gives nothing to cling on to,

as childhood is a blur

And every waking hour in adolescence is obscured.

When you reach adult hood and wonder where it went

There is no restoration of the little time that we are lent.

© 2018 B. Clary

Imprisoned Mind

Composition comes in the still of the night.

The silence beckons to my thoughts and all its trappings.
A clear mind working without interruption,
I bask in pure solitude, and revel in self contemplation.
Welcoming the crisp nothing that surrounds me, I
can finally breathe.

No longer suffocating, words flow freely
No longer bound, they make their escape

Just pieces of me, simple and complex all at once
Just moments of peace and reckless scrutiny

A small space to escape into my world 
A place where only my thoughts reside

O, if time would stand still for a moment
If night would creep in slowly and stay by my side
If light were not required to swallow it wholly
What enchantment would flee this imprisoned mind?


You Don’t Know Me

© 2008 B. Clary

You don’t love me; Infatuate
You kind of like what you can’t hate.

I make you crazy; Asinine
My hips curvaceous, lips divine.

You don’t know me; Brilliant
How strong I am, resilient.

I make you laugh; Hilarious
My unmatched wit, precarious.

You want to touch; Forbidden
I am mysteriously hidden.

You want to keep me; Possession
I am but an obsession.

You can’t have me; Property
Can’t handle my ferocity.

I’ll walk away, take a good look
That ends your chapter in my book

– Clary

Paint All of Your Secrets

Copyright 2018 Clary

Can I paint all of your secrets with a waterfall of words?

As you open every window screaming to be heard

As I pull apart the pieces of your badly mangled heart

As I separate the tangled strands that tell me who you are.

Can I wash out all the shades of purple, blue, and red?

Or the tear stained pillows, which lay upon your bed

Let me steal the quiet whispers of my undeserving name

The ones often escaping those lips I’ll never claim

I tore away my portion o f your tapestry of life

Leaving dangling threads and unwanted strife

Unspoken anguish seeps, through you like the rain

Flowing like a poison, running through your veins

You despise the longing feelings that I left upon your skin

The ones there to remind you where my hands and lips have been

So, you couldn’t make me happy and love wasn’t enough,

To fill this void inside of me, to fill my empty cup.

Can I paint all of your secrets with a waterfall of words?

As I regret mistakes I’ve made and all I’ve left unheard

As I walk away and leave you with your badly mangled heart

As I turn my back on everything forsaking who you are.